green
(for ataraxia)
the story of sunshine
is all abounding
love when it stops in
through the rain
tin of the tap
grey roof
cloud gone
so the colours show
green of the grass
and leaf green up
lichen and moss
moist green
not much to us but what we touch
everything within its means
beginning here
beginning there
stories of how
a certain height was planted
grew sky tipped
leaf pointing
wings have twigged
nesting in the all-around
one can still remember the tune
here's an eye out for
and here are paws of on-the-way
the words forget us as we sing
I call this being-here
the garden
you see
what little gods we are
I just tried two different "versions" with different breaks ans display on the page... I dare not being the one who would challenge "our master"!! hoping the display will be respected which is not warranteed, the exoerience with Chrys's poem was not good... but I can post it through e.mail in case ...
ReplyDeletethe story of sunshine
is all abounding
love when it stops in
through the rain
tin of the tap
grey roof
cloud gone
so the colours show
green of the grass
and leaf green up
lichen and moss
moist green
not much to us but what we touch
everything
within its means
beginning here
beginning there
stories of how
a certain height was planted
grew sky tipped
leaf pointing
wings have twigged
nesting in the all-around
one can still remember the tune
here's an eye out for
and here are paws of
on-the-way
the words forget us as we sing
I call this being-here
the garden
you see
what little gods
we are
the story of sunshine
is all abounding love
when it stops in
through the rain
tin of the tap
grey roof
cloud gone
so the colours show
green of the grass
and leaf green up
lichen and moss
moist green
not much to us
but what we touch
everything
within its means
beginning here
beginning there
stories of how
a certain height was planted
grew sky tipped
leaf pointing
wings have twigged
nesting in
the all-around
one can still remember the tune
here's an eye out for
and here are paws of
on-the-way
the words forget us as we sing
I call this being-here
the garden
you see
what little gods
we are
well obviously it didn't work... I have to figure out why... but if you are curious about the display, then I'll post you the word file through your e.mail address
ReplyDeleteI love this poem, Kit - especially the last stanza. Two very minor suggestions - one is that the title for me calls to mind Verlaine’s “Green" - one of my favourite french poems (probably because there have been so many musical renditions of it - including Debussy and a stunning version by Leo Ferre in Les Poetes): http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/green-9/ - that isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all, but maybe “leaf green up” for example would be more unique? Also I’m not too keen on "beginning there” as I feel it dilutes the power of “beginning here” (which is enough on its own). Otherwise, exquisite.
ReplyDeletehmmm - a few things to think about there
ReplyDelete... please do send it through Beatrice
and please skip the 'master' crap ... vicomte s'il vous plait
beginning here
beginning there
I wanted to stress the idea that there isn't a single particular point of origin
for reference -- Verlaine's --
Voici des fruits, des fleurs, des feuilles et des branches
Et puis voici mon coeur qui ne bat que pour vous.
Ne le déchirez pas avec vos deux mains blanches
Et qu'à vos yeux si beaux l'humble présent soit doux.
J'arrive tout couvert encore de rosée
Que le vent du matin vient glacer à mon front.
Souffrez que ma fatigue à vos pieds reposée
Rêve des chers instants qui la délasseront.
Sur votre jeune sein laissez rouler ma tête
Toute sonore encor de vos derniers baisers ;
Laissez-la s'apaiser de la bonne tempête,
Et que je dorme un peu puisque vous reposez.
as for leaf green up
well you can see that challenging prepositions is one of my things ... one of my challenges for readers
I think for godsbother this is particularly important
because there is something inchoate about the prepositional structure of the universe we recognise and shape in speaking
... I like Halliday's idea of the preposition as 'semi-verb' -- there's always movement in relationship somehow or other
so challenging conventional uses of prepositions is challenging the way our universe is structured ... challenging what goes unsaid of it
and you'll also note I'm one of those pedants who believes that uniqueness does not admit of degrees