Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Kit Kelen - ataraxia #2 - green (could also/alternatively be for godsbother?)



green
(for ataraxia)

the story of sunshine
is all abounding
love when it stops in
through the rain

tin of the tap
grey roof
cloud gone
so the colours show

green of the grass
and leaf green up
lichen and moss
moist green

not much to us but what we touch
everything within its means

beginning here
beginning there
stories of how
a certain height was planted
grew sky tipped
leaf pointing

wings have twigged
nesting in the all-around

one can still remember the tune

here's an eye out for
and here are paws of on-the-way

the words forget us as we sing

I call this being-here
the garden

you see
what little gods we are

4 comments:

  1. I just tried two different "versions" with different breaks ans display on the page... I dare not being the one who would challenge "our master"!! hoping the display will be respected which is not warranteed, the exoerience with Chrys's poem was not good... but I can post it through e.mail in case ...



    the story of sunshine
    is all abounding
    love when it stops in
    through the rain

    tin of the tap
    grey roof
    cloud gone
    so the colours show

    green of the grass
    and leaf green up
    lichen and moss
    moist green

    not much to us but what we touch
    everything
    within its means

    beginning here
    beginning there
    stories of how
    a certain height was planted
    grew sky tipped
    leaf pointing

    wings have twigged
    nesting in the all-around

    one can still remember the tune

    here's an eye out for
    and here are paws of
    on-the-way

    the words forget us as we sing

    I call this being-here
    the garden

    you see
    what little gods
    we are



    the story of sunshine
    is all abounding love
    when it stops in
    through the rain

    tin of the tap
    grey roof
    cloud gone
    so the colours show

    green of the grass
    and leaf green up
    lichen and moss
    moist green

    not much to us
    but what we touch
    everything
    within its means

    beginning here
    beginning there
    stories of how
    a certain height was planted
    grew sky tipped
    leaf pointing

    wings have twigged
    nesting in
    the all-around

    one can still remember the tune

    here's an eye out for
    and here are paws of
    on-the-way

    the words forget us as we sing

    I call this being-here
    the garden

    you see
    what little gods
    we are

    ReplyDelete
  2. well obviously it didn't work... I have to figure out why... but if you are curious about the display, then I'll post you the word file through your e.mail address

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this poem, Kit - especially the last stanza. Two very minor suggestions - one is that the title for me calls to mind Verlaine’s “Green" - one of my favourite french poems (probably because there have been so many musical renditions of it - including Debussy and a stunning version by Leo Ferre in Les Poetes): http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/green-9/ - that isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all, but maybe “leaf green up” for example would be more unique? Also I’m not too keen on "beginning there” as I feel it dilutes the power of “beginning here” (which is enough on its own). Otherwise, exquisite.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hmmm - a few things to think about there
    ... please do send it through Beatrice
    and please skip the 'master' crap ... vicomte s'il vous plait

    beginning here
    beginning there

    I wanted to stress the idea that there isn't a single particular point of origin





    for reference -- Verlaine's --

    Voici des fruits, des fleurs, des feuilles et des branches
    Et puis voici mon coeur qui ne bat que pour vous.
    Ne le déchirez pas avec vos deux mains blanches
    Et qu'à vos yeux si beaux l'humble présent soit doux.

    J'arrive tout couvert encore de rosée
    Que le vent du matin vient glacer à mon front.
    Souffrez que ma fatigue à vos pieds reposée
    Rêve des chers instants qui la délasseront.

    Sur votre jeune sein laissez rouler ma tête
    Toute sonore encor de vos derniers baisers ;
    Laissez-la s'apaiser de la bonne tempête,
    Et que je dorme un peu puisque vous reposez.



    as for leaf green up

    well you can see that challenging prepositions is one of my things ... one of my challenges for readers

    I think for godsbother this is particularly important

    because there is something inchoate about the prepositional structure of the universe we recognise and shape in speaking
    ... I like Halliday's idea of the preposition as 'semi-verb' -- there's always movement in relationship somehow or other

    so challenging conventional uses of prepositions is challenging the way our universe is structured ... challenging what goes unsaid of it


    and you'll also note I'm one of those pedants who believes that uniqueness does not admit of degrees

    ReplyDelete