tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post4683576655237668551..comments2023-06-04T17:49:10.461+10:00Comments on Project 52: Kit Kelen - ataraxia #2 - green (could also/alternatively be for godsbother?)Kit Kelenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01039514155142268468noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-79746168384255179752017-01-07T21:21:08.297+11:002017-01-07T21:21:08.297+11:00hmmm - a few things to think about there
... plea...hmmm - a few things to think about there <br />... please do send it through Beatrice <br />and please skip the 'master' crap ... vicomte s'il vous plait <br /><br />beginning here <br />beginning there <br /><br />I wanted to stress the idea that there isn't a single particular point of origin <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />for reference -- Verlaine's -- <br /><br />Voici des fruits, des fleurs, des feuilles et des branches<br />Et puis voici mon coeur qui ne bat que pour vous.<br />Ne le déchirez pas avec vos deux mains blanches<br />Et qu'à vos yeux si beaux l'humble présent soit doux.<br /> <br />J'arrive tout couvert encore de rosée<br />Que le vent du matin vient glacer à mon front.<br />Souffrez que ma fatigue à vos pieds reposée<br />Rêve des chers instants qui la délasseront.<br /> <br />Sur votre jeune sein laissez rouler ma tête<br />Toute sonore encor de vos derniers baisers ;<br />Laissez-la s'apaiser de la bonne tempête,<br />Et que je dorme un peu puisque vous reposez.<br /><br /><br /><br />as for leaf green up<br /><br />well you can see that challenging prepositions is one of my things ... one of my challenges for readers <br /><br />I think for godsbother this is particularly important <br /><br />because there is something inchoate about the prepositional structure of the universe we recognise and shape in speaking <br />... I like Halliday's idea of the preposition as 'semi-verb' -- there's always movement in relationship somehow or other <br /><br />so challenging conventional uses of prepositions is challenging the way our universe is structured ... challenging what goes unsaid of it <br /><br /><br />and you'll also note I'm one of those pedants who believes that uniqueness does not admit of degreesKit Kelenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01039514155142268468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-31985292904839753152017-01-06T14:43:53.925+11:002017-01-06T14:43:53.925+11:00I love this poem, Kit - especially the last stanza...I love this poem, Kit - especially the last stanza. Two very minor suggestions - one is that the title for me calls to mind Verlaine’s “Green" - one of my favourite french poems (probably because there have been so many musical renditions of it - including Debussy and a stunning version by Leo Ferre in Les Poetes): http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/green-9/ - that isn’t necessarily a bad thing at all, but maybe “leaf green up” for example would be more unique? Also I’m not too keen on "beginning there” as I feel it dilutes the power of “beginning here” (which is enough on its own). Otherwise, exquisite. <br />Magdalena Ballhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00182314078304734996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-85231337035250013942017-01-06T05:30:48.999+11:002017-01-06T05:30:48.999+11:00well obviously it didn't work... I have to fig...well obviously it didn't work... I have to figure out why... but if you are curious about the display, then I'll post you the word file through your e.mail addressBéatrice MACHEThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07296584755071209068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-80566359331033104332017-01-06T05:27:36.979+11:002017-01-06T05:27:36.979+11:00I just tried two different "versions" wi...I just tried two different "versions" with different breaks ans display on the page... I dare not being the one who would challenge "our master"!! hoping the display will be respected which is not warranteed, the exoerience with Chrys's poem was not good... but I can post it through e.mail in case ... <br /><br /><br /><br />the story of sunshine <br />is all abounding <br />love when it stops in<br />through the rain <br /><br />tin of the tap <br />grey roof<br />cloud gone <br />so the colours show <br /><br />green of the grass<br />and leaf green up <br />lichen and moss <br />moist green <br /><br />not much to us but what we touch<br />everything<br /> within its means <br /><br />beginning here<br />beginning there <br />stories of how <br />a certain height was planted <br />grew sky tipped<br />leaf pointing<br /><br />wings have twigged <br />nesting in the all-around<br /><br />one can still remember the tune <br /><br />here's an eye out for <br />and here are paws of <br />on-the-way <br /><br />the words forget us as we sing<br /><br />I call this being-here <br />the garden <br /><br />you see<br />what little gods <br />we are <br /><br /><br /><br />the story of sunshine <br />is all abounding love <br /> when it stops in<br /> through the rain <br /><br />tin of the tap <br />grey roof<br /> cloud gone <br /> so the colours show <br /><br />green of the grass<br />and leaf green up <br /> lichen and moss <br /> moist green <br /><br /> not much to us <br /> but what we touch<br /> everything<br /> within its means <br /><br />beginning here<br />beginning there <br /> stories of how <br /> a certain height was planted <br /> grew sky tipped<br /> leaf pointing<br /><br />wings have twigged <br />nesting in <br />the all-around<br /><br /> one can still remember the tune <br /><br />here's an eye out for <br />and here are paws of <br />on-the-way <br /><br /> the words forget us as we sing<br /><br />I call this being-here <br />the garden <br /><br /> you see<br /> what little gods <br /> we are <br />Béatrice MACHEThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07296584755071209068noreply@blogger.com