I am thinking a lot about the sense of fear and xenophobia that mixed race people have and how the current 'alt right' stuff has not left our community thinking unscathed. even in my family there is a huge divide, like in most I guess.
Air
Freight
someone sends me air it’s from America
the north I am afraid to breath it in keep
it locked up in the heat-pressed bubble
that it comes in pillowing the book the swatch
of cloth I saw online wanted pinged
over the seas
into my lap there is this air now this air
from there stuck here so far from belonging
the air of punk-arse packers ekeing out
a meth head life in trailers no the air of mormons no
the air from canisters spiked with something
made to kill me
I have a box of air now in my shed it is the
air of All Nations it is sequestered it leaks through
my dreams it is the leading edge of the cloud that brings
the stormtroopers of the New World Order I rub my eyes
I cannot breathe and still it comes
the air
for me, Kerri, this is a bit too obscure overall, as the need for the introductory note kind of demonstrates
ReplyDelete... so I regard it as a kind of a cross between a plan for a poem and an outline of a poem, but not really the poem itself ...
great title, great beginning, great ending
also please note Kerri, that I'm happy to write this stuff to you privately instead but I think it's better if we have the discussion here - because in this more intimate group I think it can be useful for others ... and also because others may wish to disagree in interesting/productive ways
It is ok to be online Kit. You have been publicly identified as my mentor for the grant work so I welcome this critique. Having said that - the opinion might be taken or not - and we both are fine with that - and I love the often different opinions of others. I am grateful for all the comments, as I otherwise work alone.
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ReplyDeleteI have a box of air now in my shed it is the
air of All Nations it is sequestered it leaks through
my dreams it is the leading edge of the cloud that brings
the stormtroopers of the New World Order I rub my eyes
Dear Kerri, Lord, I don't think it is obscure at all. But if it were mine, I might think about paring the 2 stanzas I copied above, maybe a few words in each line. Why? The preceding parts are much punchier, and unless you mean to suggest breathlessness, you might just want it to fight to the bell. I'll get back in my box now! :)
Not at all Rob, I like your remarks. I think them over. xx
DeleteI find this a cute idea, of a package of foreign air! The eBay experience, the army of workers in warehouses. I admire the looseness of your work too.
ReplyDeleteThanks.
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