# 1 PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL
Third draft
It’s no myth.
Flower of Kent is an apple. It could have been a name
for
the Full Moon if
Newton had been a poet.
Poets, but not
only, see attraction as the ability of falling. Thus, call
it collision, gravitation, or not,
living
on earth
one must
accept that it entails the process of
falling.
Alive or not,
“things” and people
fall.
It’s no surprise. It’s always possible. The phenomenon repeats itself
billion and more trillion times a day. This
rule is said to
be universal.
Logs fall and it’s a matter of sleeping.
Bread falls for
butter’s sake.
Stones fall which weight depends on rage rather than decay
(see also storming … then decline/ degradation/ downturn/ disfavor/
disgrace ...)
Fallen bodies may be lying and resting
in a tomb—from the French
noun tombe itself being derived from a
verb: tomber. Meaning to fall.
Whatever diving stumbling tripping up or over is performed.
Whatever bomb shot blow or
imbalance is the cause.
You fall at away back behind below beneath between
by
flat
for from heads over heels into off on out outside
over prey short through
toward under … within …
It might concern hurdle holes traps
cracks stools wayside bonds job hook
line sinker grace
love heir heap line illness power clutches disuse
place hands
eyes clouds trucks laps
map wagon sword ground
feet knees hard
times face bed favor spell
bits and pieces … floor …
It’s important to have it free.
Never forget : the bigger they come the harder they fall.
Provided you can read
I don’t mind if this falls on deaf ears
___________________________________________________________
Ce
n’est pas un mythe. Fleur de Kent est bien une pomme. Cela
aurait pu être le nom de
la pleine lune
si Newton avait été poète.
Les
poètes, mais pas seulement, voient l’attraction comme une
possibilité de tomber. Donc, appellée collision,
gravitation, ou pas,
vivant sur terre
on doit accepter que
cela implique le principe
de
tomber.
Vivantes
ou non, les «choses» et les gens
tombent.
Aucune
surprise. C’est toujours possible. Le phénomène se
répète
des million
et plus des milliards de fois par jour. Cette
règle est reconnue pour
être universelle.
Les souches tombent et c’est une
question de dormir.
Le pain
tombe pour l’amour du beurre.
Les pierres tombent dont le poids dépend
plus de la rage que du
degré de ruine
(voir aussi prise de puis déclin/
dégradation/ revers de fortune/ défaveur/ disgrâce …)
Les corps ayant chuté peuvent gésir et
reposer dans une tombe—du
verbe tomber qui lui même dérive
du latin tumba
emprunté au
grec ancien tymbos.
Signifiant tertre
(funéraire donc).
Que
ce soit plonger trébucher chanceler…
Que
ce soit une bombe un tir un coup ou un
déséquilibre qui en soit la cause
vous
tomber pour de haut
derrière dessous dessus
entre à côté à plat
depuis cul par-dessus tête à
pic dedans court
à bout à travers dans le panneau du ciel
sur un os/un bec …
Cela
concerne les trous les pièges
les fissures les pommes les sens
la désuétude les morceaux les genoux
les lits l’amour la fatigue
les champs d’honneur les
nues les vestes les cordes
les têtes l’eau la
pamoison … le sol …
C’est important que cela soit gratuit.
Ne jamais oublier : plus on s’élève plus dure sera la chute.
Pouvu que vous sachiez lire
peu m’importe que ceci tombe
dans
l’oreille d’un sourd.
This new version is the most powerful, I think Béatrice. I like it very much, and the french, which is lovely read aloud (I can’t comment on semantics as I’m not good enough, but rhythmically it works beautifully). I’m still struggling with your use of the word “weight” in “Stones fall which weight”. I see now that you don’t want way, but which weight is still tricky for me because the mind still wants to covert weight to way which is more natural. I think you want to say “the weight of which” which is not poetic, but it’s not coming through easily in its current form. Can you change to something more aligned with weight or at least add a comma or big space after fall to separate fall from which. I think that would help.
ReplyDeleteYes you're right Magdalena, what I mean is "the weight of which" Maybe I could write :
DeleteStones fall their weight depend on rage rather than decay
Would this alternative work...?
This is beautiful Beatrice. I love your use of imagery and the rhythm and flow of the lines. You bring the whole piece to a very powerful ending too.
ReplyDeleteThanks Rachael for being so supportive, it's very encouraging!
DeleteI'm kind of interested to know more about what kind of advice you want, Beatrice...
ReplyDeletespecifically in the English of course I mean
how non-native do you want to sound?
how accurate do you want yr English usage to be ?
how idiomatic?
and so on
I think if you tell us more we'll be able to give you better advice
and this will be a good example/model for other non-native poets working in English in Project 52
... I should explain to others that Beatrice has translated a book of mine into French - and I've co-translated a book of hers with her into English - so we have a bit of history here
I’m not pretending to sound exactly « native », it’s not an aim in itself, sounding a little bit “strange” if not “stranger” doesn’t make me feel bad, provided that something like « a true voice » is heard, something acknowledged as poetry. As for the idiomatic part, I’d love to play with this dimension, challenging the ordinary meaning of an expression, the literal one as well.
DeleteHow accurate do I want my English usage to be … it all depends on my intention: do I want to play with ambiguity, do I want to be very precise? I suspect that the subject, the tone, if humour is welcome or not, all these parameters are the guides that must drive me to accuracy … In any case, any given advice or comment is precious to me!