Friday, January 6, 2017

Béatrice Machet # 1 PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL third draft


Third draft

It’s no myth. Flower of Kent is an apple. It could have been a name
                      for the Full Moon if
                                                      Newton had been a poet.

Poets, but not only, see attraction as the ability of falling. Thus, call  
                      it collision, gravitation, or not,          
                                                                        living on earth
                                                                                                 one must         
                      accept that it entails the process of

Alive or not, “things” and people

It’s no surprise. It’s always possible. The phenomenon repeats itself
                       billion and more trillion times a day. This rule is said to  
                       be universal. 

Logs fall and it’s a matter of sleeping.

                                           Bread falls for butter’s sake. 

Stones fall which weight depends on rage rather than decay
                                                                                                (see also storming … then decline/ degradation/ downturn/ disfavor/ disgrace ...) 

Fallen bodies  may be lying and resting in a tomb—from the French
                        noun tombe itself being  derived from a verb: tomber. Meaning to fall.                                                                                         
                                                                                 Whatever diving stumbling tripping up or over is performed.
                                                                                                 Whatever  bomb shot  blow or imbalance is the cause.

You fall at   away   back   behind   below   beneath   between   by   flat   for   from   heads over heels   into   off   on   out   outside   over prey       short      through     toward      under     within  

It might concern hurdle    holes    traps    cracks    stools    wayside bonds    job    hook    line    sinker    grace    love    heir    heap    line illness    power    clutches    disuse    place    hands    eyes    clouds trucks    laps    map    wagon    sword    ground    feet    knees    hard times    face    bed    favor    spell    bits and pieces     floor  

It’s important to have it free. 

Never forget : the bigger they come          the harder they fall.

Provided you can read   
                                      I don’t mind if this falls on deaf ears 


Ce n’est pas un mythe. Fleur de Kent est bien une pomme. Cela
                     aurait pu être le nom de la pleine lune                      
                                                                                    si Newton avait été poète.

Les poètes, mais pas seulement, voient l’attraction comme une
                    possibilité de tomber. Donc, appellée collision,
                    gravitation, ou pas,
                                                    vivant sur terre
                                                                              on doit accepter que
                     cela implique le principe de
Vivantes ou non, les «choses» et les gens

Aucune surprise. C’est toujours possible. Le phénomène se répète
                     des million et plus des milliards de fois par jour. Cette
                     règle est reconnue pour être universelle.

Les souches tombent et c’est une question de dormir.

                                         Le pain tombe pour l’amour du beurre.

Les pierres tombent dont le poids dépend plus de la rage que du
                   degré de ruine
                                           (voir aussi prise de    puis déclin/ dégradation/ revers de fortune/ défaveur/ disgrâce …)

Les corps ayant chuté peuvent gésir et reposer dans une tombe—du  
                    verbe tomber qui lui même dérive du latin tumba
                    emprunté au grec ancien tymbos.
                                                                           Signifiant tertre  
                                                                                                       (funéraire donc).   
                                           Que ce soit plonger trébucher  chanceler…
                                           Que ce soit une bombe un tir un coup ou un
                                                   déséquilibre qui en soit la cause

vous tomber  pour    de haut    derrière   dessous    dessus  entre  à côté   à plat   depuis   cul par-dessus tête   à pic   dedans   court   à bout   à travers  dans le panneau    du ciel   sur un os/un bec …

Cela concerne  les trous   les pièges   les fissures   les pommes   les sens  la désuétude  les morceaux  les genoux   les lits  l’amour  la fatigue   les champs d’honneur   les nues   les vestes   les cordes  les têtes   l’eau    la pamoison    … le sol … 

C’est important que cela soit gratuit.

Ne jamais oublier : plus on s’élève        plus dure sera la chute.

Pouvu que vous sachiez lire
                                               peu m’importe que ceci tombe
                                               dans l’oreille d’un sourd.    


  1. This new version is the most powerful, I think Béatrice. I like it very much, and the french, which is lovely read aloud (I can’t comment on semantics as I’m not good enough, but rhythmically it works beautifully). I’m still struggling with your use of the word “weight” in “Stones fall which weight”. I see now that you don’t want way, but which weight is still tricky for me because the mind still wants to covert weight to way which is more natural. I think you want to say “the weight of which” which is not poetic, but it’s not coming through easily in its current form. Can you change to something more aligned with weight or at least add a comma or big space after fall to separate fall from which. I think that would help.

    1. Yes you're right Magdalena, what I mean is "the weight of which" Maybe I could write :

      Stones fall their weight depend on rage rather than decay

      Would this alternative work...?

  2. This is beautiful Beatrice. I love your use of imagery and the rhythm and flow of the lines. You bring the whole piece to a very powerful ending too.

    1. Thanks Rachael for being so supportive, it's very encouraging!

  3. I'm kind of interested to know more about what kind of advice you want, Beatrice...
    specifically in the English of course I mean

    how non-native do you want to sound?
    how accurate do you want yr English usage to be ?
    how idiomatic?
    and so on

    I think if you tell us more we'll be able to give you better advice
    and this will be a good example/model for other non-native poets working in English in Project 52

    ... I should explain to others that Beatrice has translated a book of mine into French - and I've co-translated a book of hers with her into English - so we have a bit of history here

    1. I’m not pretending to sound exactly « native », it’s not an aim in itself, sounding a little bit “strange” if not “stranger” doesn’t make me feel bad, provided that something like « a true voice » is heard, something acknowledged as poetry. As for the idiomatic part, I’d love to play with this dimension, challenging the ordinary meaning of an expression, the literal one as well.
      How accurate do I want my English usage to be … it all depends on my intention: do I want to play with ambiguity, do I want to be very precise? I suspect that the subject, the tone, if humour is welcome or not, all these parameters are the guides that must drive me to accuracy … In any case, any given advice or comment is precious to me!