Tell
the Decades
let the stacks motionless prevail to take to dust
the stains of latter days rain fallen gap-roofed
flies dead stacked five high always
another piece always another high
sky high
lie to me lie to me baby lie to me say it is
good it is true too true to be real to be sane to be
real hot water
that we got into takes the skin right off I used to see
the old women
take one ripe tomato from the garden
dunk it with the wire mesh throw the ball back
skinless
we would strain the seeds out
when it cooled and make passata
talk to me about refined
when the water cools
someday
something a little hypnotic about this
ReplyDeletebut that's not helping me work it out really
it's more of a drawing down into a vortex
Yep, that is the right impact. It is going to be part of a small segment about relationships to situational violence.
DeleteI love the atmosphere of the poem, the mystery in it, but also what I feel: some hints of suffering, someone on the edge of madness perhaps... And this last word, someday, sounds like a mix of disbelief, resignation, black humor, and even light anger and contempt, at least sarcasm ... I'm wondering in which "environment” this poem is to be « nested » in ? Is it part of a section in a collection?
ReplyDeleteI think it may be part of a larger series, about a relationship
DeleteI really like the idea of this being part of a larger series - it stands alone but hints at something I want to know more about. I really like the way you use spaces for pauses in your work, Kerri. Also the way you bring in this extended metaphor of the passata almost like a breakaway scene against the tension/pain of the third stanza. I can’t suggest any changes - this works for me as is, but again, would love to see it as part of a collection.
ReplyDeleteI use the spaces after Beckett, to be honest. A long long time ago I was talking to Billy Whitelaw about playing in Beckett and she said that when he wrote three dots he meant it and would ring her to ask why she rushed something if she didn't speak them all. She made me think very hard about the spaces we leave to let work breathe, and to let people soak the word's intention. It was at Sydney Uni, in the 80's. I think Reimer got her out. He was gooood.
Deleteinteresting narrative possibilities with building suspense this way ... i.e distributing the story among the moods evoked
ReplyDelete