Sunday, January 15, 2017

Béatrice Machet # 3 Something series-1

# 3 Something series- one  (could become two, three or last of the series, this is not really yet decided)

(Draft two; draft one was posted as  # 271 on Project 365+1 blog)

me thing.
Far from superficial.
Whirling around and around and
around till it falls
down to the ground. Drifted away and dragging its tips. Raking noise.
It drills and carves a dance inside what is more
 than your body. It echoes the whole
life process through the flaming colors of autumnal trees. Something like
a tongue.  Or better a shadow of a tongue is
never far.  Is the root or say the spring
of fire itself…
Don’t ask

que chose.
Rien de superficiel.
Tourbillonnant et tour et tournicotant
jusqu’à tomber
par terre. Emporté et traînant ses pointes. Raclage.
Son bruit fore et grave dans ce qui est plus
que votre corps. Il résonne de l’entier
processus de vie grâce aux couleurs flamboyantes des arbres d’automne. Quelque chose
comme une langue.  Ou mieux une ombre de langue n’est
jamais loin.  Etant même la racine disons la source
du feu lui-même…
ne demandez pas


  1. v challenging last line

    that redeem has so many possibilities
    ... as in coupons at a supermarket, as in business with God, and all in between

    kind of a riddle

  2. Love this concrete poem Béatrice - it looks arresting on the page and draws the eye as it should. As Kit suggests, the last line (“Don’t ask how...”) is particularly evocative and the way you structure it adds to it. My only suggestion is the line "or say the spring”. I find the word “say” to be too conversational for the intensity of the poem. I’d remove it and have just “or the spring” which does mess your structure a little but not so much you’d need to replace it. (of course my comments relate only to the English version - I’m not a good enough French speaker to advise on the French one, other than to say it sounds lovely when read aloud and works visually on the page for me).

  3. thank you to both of you, for reading and commenting! Actually the French version is not a "faithful" translation, but it carries the same intention and is in any case meaning the same as the English version, maybe even more tough, or intense.

  4. I really like this crafted, sculptured and pruned tree - I imagine colour could be used... :)

  5. You're right Jeffree, very helpful suggestion! I'll put other colors into the poem, thanks for pointing this out.