Monday, January 16, 2017

Magdalena Ball - City Child - 4 - Ocean Eagle

This is a piece from 366 which I’ve reworked a little for City Child.  

Ocean Eagle

Puerto Rico, alone
my first airplane
momma on the other side
her last holiday
before agoraphobia

while the uneventful flight
moved up the Atlantic
the tanker Ocean Eagle ran aground
at the entrance to San Juan Harbor
and broke in two

five thousand tonnes of Venezuelan oil
spread westward
from Punta Salinas to Condado

my mother’s arms opened
at the airport
and I ran to her

Playita del Condado
had small waves
golden sand and palm trees

the ocean warmed my winter bones
momma wore pointy sunglasses
and watched me play for hours

while the sun burned
city skin
sardines were stressed

we didn’t know it yet

until the chemical aroma
of crude wafted
tarballs in the ocean
then on my body, inking tattoos
to be scrubbed off
with a wire brush
by strangers
more concerned than kind

three hundred pelicans killed
oiled to death
diving headfirst into the water

among the casualties
sea urchins
spiny lobsters, octopi

after that the beaches were closed.


5 comments:

  1. the world historic and the time of life moment
    it is a great thing to do
    this genre ought to have a name
    maybe it does?

    I don't know how I feel about the last line
    does everything come to an understated fact ?
    maybe that is the best way to go

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Magdalena, here is my first reaction after having read your poem :

    After that the beaches were closed: instead of a last line, it could become the title, or the first line for the poem… It manages more tension, more suspens, at least so it seems to me! But the more I think about it the more this sentence sounds like a title! Ocean Eagle is already mentioned into the poem and it’s enough I suppose.

    I really really love the image of the crude oil spread into the harbor that you parallel with the mother’s arms and the child running to her

    I’m surprised by the spelling of tons … you wrote tonnes exactly like in French…

    I would see the two last stanzas a little bit reorganized (no need to add killed after pelicans, it dilutes the power of the image and expression oiled to death)


    among the casualties
    sea urchins
    spiny lobsters, octopi

    and diving headfirst into the water
    three hundred pelicans
    oiled to death


    I may come back with other ideas … or just for my pleasure of reading it, it’s a very nice poem!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Nice historic and perspective Magdalena. There is a lucidity in your reporting rendition that inspires imagination.
    I too wondered about the last line. Perhaps this line is could be an empathetic opportunity as if spoken by or on behalf of the beach, such as (only as eg :) after that the beaches mourned their passing / or beach cried ...something or somthing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great suggestions everyone - please don’t stop the superb feedback (I’ll aim to do the same) - I can’t tell you how helpful it has been for me on a project I’ve been struggling with for some time in different voices and genres (and totally agree about the last line being deflating). Here’s my attempt at a rework:

    The Beaches Were Closed

    Puerto Rico, alone
    my first airplane
    momma on the other side
    her last holiday
    before agoraphobia

    while the uneventful flight
    moved up the Atlantic
    the tanker Ocean Eagle ran aground
    at the entrance to San Juan Harbor
    and broke in two

    five thousand tonnes of Venezuelan oil
    spread westward
    from Punta Salinas to Condado

    my mother’s arms opened
    at the airport
    and I ran to her

    Playita del Condado
    had small waves
    golden sand and palm trees

    the ocean warmed my winter bones
    momma wore pointy sunglasses
    and watched me play for hours

    while the sun burned
    city skin
    sardines were stressed

    we didn’t know it yet

    until the chemical aroma
    of crude wafted
    tarballs in the ocean
    then on my body, inking tattoos
    to be scrubbed off
    with a wire brush
    by strangers
    more concerned than kind

    among the casualties
    sea urchins
    spiny lobsters, octopi

    three hundred pelicans
    oiled to death
    diving headfirst into the water

    ReplyDelete
  5. OK! it's fine, and glad my comment may help!

    ReplyDelete