imagine
me made of mist
reader
I
am in your hands
we're
equally invisible
I am
already aloft
am
falling
I am
in your hands
the
sky is the mind
clouds
are a manner of speech
wherever
your feet are
that's
the way
pile
out through a camel's eye window
that's
how to start a religion
I like this a lot, Kit - it definitely resonates with me, and is nice, as reader, to be pulled in. A few ideas (rather than suggestions) to play with. If you made the title “How to start a religion” and replaced the slightly ironic last line with the title “imagine me made of mist” - I think that the poem would have more impact for me - so that you colour the piece with that somewhat Machiavellian opening but end on a rather pretty, somewhat mystical and moving note. In other words, rather than twisting negatively, you’d be twisting positively, which I think is more powerful.
ReplyDeleteshall ponder -- ta!
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