Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Chrysogonus Siddha #3 - Kinanthi

~ third song ~

her little feet
must now learn

to walk without
a mother’s holding hands

that’s how it seems
but is this so ?

is it only blades of grass
her tiny hands can grab ?

wild flowers that cheer
for another attempt

to rise up in giggles
does laughter remain

when tears are no more?
the bomb takes skin

takes pain in the end
it leaves all the time

not of this world

is that what she has now?


  1. Hi Chrys, this is a lovely, delicate poem that hits all the harder as it comes to its painful ending. The only suggestions I can make are to perhaps leave off the last line (a trick I’m learning from Kit), as the line “not of this world” is much more powerful for me than the rhetorical question. I’d also remove the question marks even though you’re asking questions because to me the poem flows a little more cleanly without them. Otherwise I really like this - it’s very powerful.

  2. Hi Chrys, basicaly I will make the same comment, the last line is not welcome in the poem to my eyes ! but you succeeded in making the picture powerful in just a few lines. More lines would have been heavy, keep it short! As for the question marks, I totaly agree with Magdalena, and the sad subject in istself needs the writing to stay discrete on the page, make it as a Zen garden!!

  3. Thank you, Magdalena and Beatrice. I will take out the last line :)