tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post2373708961190362891..comments2023-06-04T17:49:10.461+10:00Comments on Project 52: Béatrice Machet # 1 PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL third draft Kit Kelenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01039514155142268468noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-12605056419318073082017-01-08T16:35:17.524+11:002017-01-08T16:35:17.524+11:00I’m not pretending to sound exactly « native », it...I’m not pretending to sound exactly « native », it’s not an aim in itself, sounding a little bit “strange” if not “stranger” doesn’t make me feel bad, provided that something like « a true voice » is heard, something acknowledged as poetry. As for the idiomatic part, I’d love to play with this dimension, challenging the ordinary meaning of an expression, the literal one as well. <br />How accurate do I want my English usage to be … it all depends on my intention: do I want to play with ambiguity, do I want to be very precise? I suspect that the subject, the tone, if humour is welcome or not, all these parameters are the guides that must drive me to accuracy … In any case, any given advice or comment is precious to me! <br />Béatrice MACHEThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07296584755071209068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-43920000157712075912017-01-08T16:31:58.970+11:002017-01-08T16:31:58.970+11:00Yes you're right Magdalena, what I mean is &qu...Yes you're right Magdalena, what I mean is "the weight of which" Maybe I could write :<br /><br />Stones fall their weight depend on rage rather than decay<br /><br />Would this alternative work...? Béatrice MACHEThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07296584755071209068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-45020673608691724992017-01-08T16:27:28.461+11:002017-01-08T16:27:28.461+11:00Thanks Rachael for being so supportive, it's v...Thanks Rachael for being so supportive, it's very encouraging! <br /> Béatrice MACHEThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07296584755071209068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-66405579005163311132017-01-07T21:08:31.180+11:002017-01-07T21:08:31.180+11:00I'm kind of interested to know more about what...I'm kind of interested to know more about what kind of advice you want, Beatrice... <br />specifically in the English of course I mean <br /><br />how non-native do you want to sound? <br />how accurate do you want yr English usage to be ? <br />how idiomatic? <br />and so on <br /><br />I think if you tell us more we'll be able to give you better advice <br />and this will be a good example/model for other non-native poets working in English in Project 52 <br /><br />... I should explain to others that Beatrice has translated a book of mine into French - and I've co-translated a book of hers with her into English - so we have a bit of history here Kit Kelenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01039514155142268468noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-61981808865155694592017-01-07T09:55:18.432+11:002017-01-07T09:55:18.432+11:00This is beautiful Beatrice. I love your use of ima...This is beautiful Beatrice. I love your use of imagery and the rhythm and flow of the lines. You bring the whole piece to a very powerful ending too. Rachael Meadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04020426879205073657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3885784058796895333.post-31010817431470826012017-01-07T09:19:28.932+11:002017-01-07T09:19:28.932+11:00This new version is the most powerful, I think Béa...This new version is the most powerful, I think Béatrice. I like it very much, and the french, which is lovely read aloud (I can’t comment on semantics as I’m not good enough, but rhythmically it works beautifully). I’m still struggling with your use of the word “weight” in “Stones fall which weight”. I see now that you don’t want way, but which weight is still tricky for me because the mind still wants to covert weight to way which is more natural. I think you want to say “the weight of which” which is not poetic, but it’s not coming through easily in its current form. Can you change to something more aligned with weight or at least add a comma or big space after fall to separate fall from which. I think that would help. Magdalena Ballhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00182314078304734996noreply@blogger.com