I amended #7 Empty ... took Magdalena's advice, so much the better
tanx MB
So to #8
Although this is a 365 reworking I still find it compelling here (order) and a better version than Underneath #1.
tanx MB
So to #8
Although this is a 365 reworking I still find it compelling here (order) and a better version than Underneath #1.
I wonder what others think
See link to #1 below.
_______________________________________________
Light finds its way
beneath waves
deep into crevices
their unlit cracks
underneath under-realised
illuminated opalescent shells
on ocean floors
tickling ancient tales
still detecting curious currents
emanating from above
unperturbed by questions
stained on traveler's faces
too far from home seeking direction
and a safe landing
instead answers
so indirect
that refraction and reflection
be the only means
to comprehend
a language so foreign
it must be sung backwards
image: Underneath - detail / synthetic polymer paint on joined multi canvas panels jskewes
Underneath 1. see
Such a beautiful image, Jeffree (is your artwork for sale anywhere?). I liked the first version but this second one, with its couplets and increased breathing space is even better. Does it have a title? Beneath Waves? The only thing that jars with me is the couplet: "instead answers only/so indirect”. If you were remove either the word “instead” or “only” (so the line was either “instead answers” or “answers only” and change the adjective “indirect” to the adverb “indirectly”, the whole thing would flow right through to the brilliant ending.
ReplyDeletehow much light is there at the bottom of the deepest sea?
ReplyDeleteand what's it like ?
I know there's a lot of life down there ...
and I've read some recent things about heavy metals and other pollution unexpectedly making it all the way down there ...
it's an interesting spot for the poet to ponder
Oh yes you're right (:
DeleteOnly is gone
Tanx MB
Great ending and lovely picture. As it seems you could give this poem a development with other propositions on this topic!
ReplyDeleteYes... you've promted me to do so. Tanx BM
Delete