I’m not sure this poem is to stay in the collection,
it might seem to “simple”, plain, … or does it look unfinished, to be developped...?
What’s your feeling guys?
# 9 ( for the Something series )
Something
a movement to be named
taking within
then carried in one’s voice
spreading like water
where the level of the ground is
at its lowest
when eyes cannot absorb the night
for always some lightning in their skies
something like an embrace
the magic of whispers
this strength would defy gravity
would prevent love’s allies
from being wrenched
would grant shadows some flesh
something that was taken within
is released out
with breath going further
farther and farther than sound and voice
does this movement mean
as etymology teaches
comprehension
when it is taken with
and without even thinking
given back
Quelque chose
un mouvement à nommer
prendre
avec
puis porté dans une voix
répandu comme l’eau
là où le niveau du sol
est
au plus bas
quand les yeux ne peuvent absorber la nuit
car toujours des éclairs
dans leurs cieux
quelque chose comme un enlacement
la magie de murmures
cette force défierait la gravité
éviterait aux alliés de l’amour
d’être
arrachés
confierait aux ombres quelque chair
quelque chose qui fut pris dedans
est
libéré dehors
avec le souffle allant
toujours plus loin que son et voix
ce mouvement signifie-t-il
comme l’étymologie l’enseigne
comprendre
quand pris avec
et sans même y penser
redonné
the breath going further!
ReplyDeletethe breath all the way around the world
the breath coming back
the breath is the biggest circle there is
runs rings around
us all
Love it, Beatrice (as usual). My only suggestion and I think it’s only in English (because the duplication of Quelque chose is very nice in French) is that it might have more impact to open without the word Something - to let it appear later and begin with 'a movement to be named’.
ReplyDeleteI think it works ..It stands on it's own feat Beatrice.
ReplyDeleteThat your query is, may just suggest another / orher forays into 'breath' are to come. It certainly is a Something!
I think Magdalena has a valid point regarding the opening. Good luck :)
Thank you all, for reassuring me ... always doubting !! and yes I'll follow Magdalena's recommandation, and I might think about writing more about the "Something breath" , it's very tempting!
ReplyDelete